Thursday, April 28, 2022
Wednesday, April 27, 2022
Saturday, April 23, 2022
You'll Never Know · Rosemary Clooney · Harry James
You'll Never Know · Rosemary Clooney · Harry James
https://youtu.be/ddeXQdPE4A4
Friday, April 22, 2022
Random Thoughts
Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.
Pele
He who is afraid to ask is ashamed of learning. -Danish proverb
In harmony with cosmic sea, true love needs no company. It can cure the soul, it can make it whole, if dogs run free. Bob Dylan
“Intelligence is not only the ability to reason; it is also the ability to find relevant material in memory and to deploy attention when needed.” ― Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow
"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn
The wise man draws more advantage from his enemies, than the fool from his friends.
- Benjamin Franklin
What a strange thing! to be alive beneath cherry blossoms. K. Issa
There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.
J Conrad What a strange thing!
to be alive
beneath cherry blossoms.
K. Issa
There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.
J Conrad
Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.
John Muir
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
L. Hughes
The rough sea.
Stretching out towards Sado Island,
the Milky Way.
Matsuo Bashō
... Cliffs tower, Opposing its fall.
Annoyed, it foams Step by step Into the abyss. ...
Goethe, Song of the Spirits Over the Waters, 1779
Why Meditation Matters: Daniel Goleman and Richard Davidson with Richard Gere
Richard Gere talks with the New York Times-bestselling authors as they unveil new research showing what meditation can really do for the brain.
In the last twenty years, meditation and mindfulness have gone from being kind of cool to becoming an omnipresent Band-Aid for fixing everything from your weight to your relationship to your achievement level.
In their new book, Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body, Daniel Goleman and Richard Davidson show us the truth about what meditation can really do for us, as well as exactly how to get the most out of it.
Sweeping away common misconceptions and neuromythology to open readers’ eyes to the ways data has been distorted to sell mind-training methods, the authors demonstrate that beyond the pleasant states mental exercises can produce, the real payoffs are the lasting personality traits that can result.
But short daily doses will not get us to the highest level of lasting positive change — even if we continue for years — without specific additions. More than sheer hours, we need smart practice, including crucial ingredients such as targeted feedback from a master teacher and a more spacious, less attached view of the self, all of which are missing in widespread versions of mind training.
The authors also reveal the latest data from Davidson’s own lab that point to a new methodology for developing a broader array of mind-training methods with larger implications for how we can derive the greatest benefits from the practice.
Recorded on September 5, 2017 at 92nd Street Y. Subscribe for more videos like this: http://bit.ly/1GpwawV Your support helps us keep our content free for all. Donate now: http://www.92y.org/donatenow?utm_sour... Facebook: http://facebook.com/92ndStreetY Instagram: http://Instagram.com/92ndStreetY Twitter: https://twitter.com/92Y Tumblr: http://92y.tumblr.com/ On Demand: http://www.92yondemand.org
https://youtu.be/Ay79Ci4tgJ4
“interlope”
“interlope”.
1. Whose activity is not legal. 2. Suspicious in appearance. “She dragged her gaiters, feeling vague and landed in shady bars to drown her sorrows in glasses of absinthe. »Marketing has made diamond rings a symbol of heteronormative happy endings
A woman examines a diamond she is in the process of cutting and polishing in Yellowknife, N.W.T. in a photo from 2003. (CP PHOTO/Bob Weber)
Diamond mines in the Northwest Territories are not a girl’s best friend
While marketing has made diamond rings a symbol of heteronormative happy endings, women from the Northwest Territories tell a different story about their experiences with the diamond mines.
Wednesday, April 20, 2022
You'll Never Know (From "The Shape Of Water" Soundtrack)
You'll Never Know (From "The Shape Of Water" Soundtrack) · Renée Fleming
You'll Never Know
℗ 2017 Decca Music Group Limited
Released on: 2017-11-17
Conductor, Associated Performer, Recording Arranger, Whistle: Alexandre Desplat
Associated Performer, Vocals: Renée Fleming
Orchestra: London Symphony Orchestra
Associated Performer, Piano: Frédéric Gaillardet
Associated Performer, Double Bass: Riccardo Del Fra
Associated Performer, Drums: Jeffrey Boudreaux
Associated Performer, Percussion: Paul Clarvis
Associated Performer, Accordion: Myriam Lafargue
Associated Performer, Piano: Dave Arch
Studio Personnel, Recording Engineer, Mixer: Jonathan Allen
Studio Personnel, Asst. Recording Engineer: Ludovick Tartavel
Associated Performer, Programming: Romain Allender
Producer, Executive Producer: Xavier Forcioli
Producer: Dominique Lemonnier
Author: Mack Gordon
Composer: Harry Warren
https://youtu.be/Mp4pVdbXI1E
You'll Never Know (Alternative Version)
You'll Never Know (Alternative Version) · Renée Fleming
https://youtu.be/2KElq8lPJgA
https://twitter.com/marktakesphoto/status/1516824896747286538Great blue herons are savage beasts capable of eating anything they can swallow. The snake doesn’t make it. #brutal #snake #birds pic.twitter.com/zn6rICWbKs
— Mark Smith Photography (@marktakesphoto) April 20, 2022
Cryptocurrencies
Crypto is not something I follow but Crypto has many followers. If a man wants a green suit, sell him a green suit. Crypto is obviously sexier to more people than value investing is. So I might need to take an interest, if readers/followers were to become my priority.
Tuesday, April 19, 2022
Sunday, April 17, 2022
Godzilla vs. Kong
Fight Punch GIF by Godzilla vs. Kong
https://media.giphy.com/media/GRM7Z2s6AougoR3rvv/giphy.gif
Saturday, April 16, 2022
Daniel Yergin
Daniel Howard Yergin is an American author, speaker, energy expert, and economic historian. Yergin is vice chairman of IHS Markit, a research and information company which absorbed his own energy research consultancy Cambridge Energy Research Associates in 2004.
Daniel Yergin
@DanielYergin
Author: The New Map: Energy, Climate & Clash of Nations - http://amzn.to/3hnySbC; The Quest; The Prize; Pulitzer Prize winner; Vice Chairman S&P Global
danielyergin.com
Wikipedia
Official siteBorn: Feb. 6, 1947 (age 75) · Los Angeles, CA
Spouse: Angela Stent
Founded: Cambridge Energy Research Associates · The New Journal
Education: Trinity College, Cambridge · Yale University · University of Cambridge · Beverly Hills High School
Awards: Pulitzer Prize for General Nonfiction (1992)
Nominations: Pulitzer Prize for General Nonfiction (1992)
“The Western world, he believed, was afflicted by the curse of short-term thinking, the inevitable result of democracy.”
People always underestimate the impact of technology. To give you an example: In the 1970s the frontier for offshore development was 200 meters, today it is 4,000 meters.
Cycles of shortage and surplus characterize the entire history of oil.
In a couple of years, the Chinese will be seen as regular participants in international industry. Their companies have to report to shareholders as well as to the Chinese authorities. They need to make money, they have to be efficient.
But that's not enough: To maintain energy security, one needs a supply system that provides a buffer against shocks. It needs large, flexible markets. And it's important to acknowledge the fact that the entire energy supply chain needs to be protected.
So the major obstacle to the development of new supplies is not geology but what happens above ground: international affairs, politics, investment and technology.
The other are the strategic, so-called strategic stocks that the United States and the other Western industrial countries have, which could put in as much as four million barrels a day of oil into the market pretty quickly.
But eventually it's a question of access: Getting access to fields is on top of the oil companies' agenda. We see a substantial build-up of supply occurring over the coming years.
Timeline
1982:
He founded Cambridge Energy Research Associates (CERA) with Jamey Rosenfield in 1982 with the purchase of a $2 file cabinet from The Salvation Army.
1990:
Shattered Peace: The Origins of the Cold War and the National Security State written by Daniel Yergin was first published on April 01, 1990.
2011:
The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World written by Daniel Yergin was first published on September 20, 2011.
2016:
IHS then merged in 2016 with Markit to become IHS Markit, with Yergin remaining IHS vice chairman.
2019:
In 2019, Yergin and former U.S. Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz led a major 229-page study, Advancing the Landscape of Clean Energy Innovation, which was conducted by IHS Markit and Energy Futures Initiative for the Breakthrough Energy coalition, led by Bill Gates.
2020:
In September 2020, Yergin published The New Map: Energy, Climate, and the Clash of Nations.
More on Wikipedia
Data from: Wikipedia · Goodreads · Freebase · Twitter · goodreads.com
Wikipedia text under CC-BY-SA license
NEW YORK, April 13, 2022 /PRNewswire/ -- S&P Global Inc. announced today that Daniel Yergin has been appointed Vice Chairman of the company following the completion of its merger with IHS Markit. He will serve as a member of the leadership team and report directly to S&P Global President and CEO Doug Peterson. Previously Vice Chairman of IHS Markit, Yergin's appointment became effective at the close of the merger.
"Daniel Yergin's strong track record as an award-winning author and highly respected authority on energy, international politics and economics make him a tremendous addition to our leadership team," Peterson said. "I am pleased to welcome him as Vice Chairman and look forward to his insights on key issues related to the global economy."
"I am honored to serve as Vice Chairman of S&P Global following the combination with IHS Markit to form what will be an extraordinary firm under Doug Peterson's leadership," Yergin said. "S&P Global already plays a unique and vital role across the global economy, and it is a privilege to join the leadership team as the company continues to evolve its role in providing essential data and analytics to the markets."
A renowned author and historian, Yergin's latest book is entitled The New Map: Energy, Climate and the Clash of Nations. His book The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil Money and Power was awarded the Pulitzer Prize and became a number one New York Times best seller that has been translated into 20 languages. He is also the author of the bestseller The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World and co-author of Commanding Heights: The Battle for the World Economy. Both The Prize and Commanding Heights were made into award-winning television documentaries for for PBS and BBC, which Dr. Yergin co-produced, co-wrote and helped narrate.
Dr. Yergin is co-founder and chair of CERAWeek – presented by S&P Global – which is regarded as the world's preeminent energy conference. Dr. Yergin served on the U.S. Secretary of Energy Advisory Board under four U.S. Presidents. He is a director of the Council on Foreign Relations and a trustee of the Brookings Institution and serves on the Energy Advisory Council of the Dallas Federal Reserve.
Dr. Yergin is on the Advisory Boards of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Energy Initiative and the Columbia University Center on Global Energy Policy. He is a member of the Energy Governors of the World Economic forum, the India Petroleum Ministry's Think Tank, and the U.S. National Petroleum Council.
Dr. Yergin holds a BA from Yale University, an MA from Trinity College, Cambridge University, and a Ph.D. from Cambridge University, where he was a Marshall Scholar. He has received honorary degrees from Dartmouth College, the Colorado School of Mines, the University of Houston, and the University of Missouri.
About S&P Global
S&P Global (NYSE: SPGI) provides essential intelligence. We enable governments, businesses and individuals with the right data, expertise and connected technology so that they can make decisions with conviction. From helping our customers assess new investments to guiding them through ESG and energy transition across supply chains, we unlock new opportunities, solve challenges and accelerate progress for the world.
We are widely sought after by many of the world's leading organizations to provide credit ratings, benchmarks, analytics and workflow solutions in the global capital, commodity and automotive markets. With every one of our offerings, we help the world's leading organizations plan for tomorrow, today.
View original content:https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/sp-global-appoints-daniel-yergin-vice-chairman-301525324.html
SOURCE S&P Global
Book Title:
New Map : Energy, Climate, and the Clash of Nation
Publication Year:
2020
Author:
Daniel Yergin
Genre:
Technology & Engineering, Science, Business & Economics, Political Science
Topic:
Public Policy / Energy Policy, Geopolitics, Investments & Securities / Commodities / Energy, Power Resources / Fossil Fuels, Power Resources / Alternative & Renewable, Global Warming & Climate Change, Industries / Energy
A Wall Street Journal besteller and a USA Today Best Book of 2020 Named Energy Writer of the Year for The New Map by the American Energy Society Pulitzer Prize-winning author and global energy expert, Daniel Yergin offers a revelatory new account of how energy revolutions, climate battles, and geopolitics are mapping our future The world is being shaken by the collision of energy, climate change, and the clashing power of nations in a time of global crisis. Out of this tumult is emerging a new map of energy and geopolitics. The "shale revolution" in oil and gas has transformed the American economy, ending the "era of shortage" but introducing a turbulent new era. Almost overnight, the United States has become the world's number one energy powerhouse. Yet concern about energy's role in climate change is challenging the global economy and way of life, accelerating a second energy revolution in the search for a low-carbon future. All of this has been made starker and more urgent by the coronavirus pandemic and the economic dark age that it has wrought. World politics is being upended, as a new cold war develops between the United States and China, and the rivalry grows more dangerous with Russia, which is pivoting east toward Beijing. Vladimir Putin and China's Xi Jinping are converging both on energy and on challenging American leadership, as China projects its power and influence in all directions. The South China Sea, claimed by China and the world's most critical trade route, could become the arena where the United States and China directly collide. The map of the Middle East, which was laid down after World War I, is being challenged by jihadists, revolutionary Iran, ethnic and religious clashes, and restive populations. But the region has also been shocked by the two recent oil price collapses--and by the very question of oil's future in the rest of this century. A master storyteller and global energy expert, Daniel Yergin takes the reader on an utterly riveting and timely journey across the world's new map. He illuminates the great energy and geopolitical questions in an era of rising political turbulence and points to the profound challenges that lie ahead.
Spouse: Angela Stent
Founded: Cambridge Energy Research Associates · The New Journal
Education: Trinity College, Cambridge · Yale University · University of Cambridge · Beverly Hills High School
Awards: Pulitzer Prize for General Nonfiction (1992)
Nominations: Pulitzer Prize for General Nonfiction (1992)
“The Western world, he believed, was afflicted by the curse of short-term thinking, the inevitable result of democracy.”
People always underestimate the impact of technology. To give you an example: In the 1970s the frontier for offshore development was 200 meters, today it is 4,000 meters.
Cycles of shortage and surplus characterize the entire history of oil.
In a couple of years, the Chinese will be seen as regular participants in international industry. Their companies have to report to shareholders as well as to the Chinese authorities. They need to make money, they have to be efficient.
But that's not enough: To maintain energy security, one needs a supply system that provides a buffer against shocks. It needs large, flexible markets. And it's important to acknowledge the fact that the entire energy supply chain needs to be protected.
So the major obstacle to the development of new supplies is not geology but what happens above ground: international affairs, politics, investment and technology.
The other are the strategic, so-called strategic stocks that the United States and the other Western industrial countries have, which could put in as much as four million barrels a day of oil into the market pretty quickly.
But eventually it's a question of access: Getting access to fields is on top of the oil companies' agenda. We see a substantial build-up of supply occurring over the coming years.
Timeline
1982:
He founded Cambridge Energy Research Associates (CERA) with Jamey Rosenfield in 1982 with the purchase of a $2 file cabinet from The Salvation Army.
1990:
Shattered Peace: The Origins of the Cold War and the National Security State written by Daniel Yergin was first published on April 01, 1990.
2011:
The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World written by Daniel Yergin was first published on September 20, 2011.
2016:
IHS then merged in 2016 with Markit to become IHS Markit, with Yergin remaining IHS vice chairman.
2019:
In 2019, Yergin and former U.S. Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz led a major 229-page study, Advancing the Landscape of Clean Energy Innovation, which was conducted by IHS Markit and Energy Futures Initiative for the Breakthrough Energy coalition, led by Bill Gates.
2020:
In September 2020, Yergin published The New Map: Energy, Climate, and the Clash of Nations.
More on Wikipedia
Data from: Wikipedia · Goodreads · Freebase · Twitter · goodreads.com
Wikipedia text under CC-BY-SA license
NEW YORK, April 13, 2022 /PRNewswire/ -- S&P Global Inc. announced today that Daniel Yergin has been appointed Vice Chairman of the company following the completion of its merger with IHS Markit. He will serve as a member of the leadership team and report directly to S&P Global President and CEO Doug Peterson. Previously Vice Chairman of IHS Markit, Yergin's appointment became effective at the close of the merger.
"Daniel Yergin's strong track record as an award-winning author and highly respected authority on energy, international politics and economics make him a tremendous addition to our leadership team," Peterson said. "I am pleased to welcome him as Vice Chairman and look forward to his insights on key issues related to the global economy."
"I am honored to serve as Vice Chairman of S&P Global following the combination with IHS Markit to form what will be an extraordinary firm under Doug Peterson's leadership," Yergin said. "S&P Global already plays a unique and vital role across the global economy, and it is a privilege to join the leadership team as the company continues to evolve its role in providing essential data and analytics to the markets."
A renowned author and historian, Yergin's latest book is entitled The New Map: Energy, Climate and the Clash of Nations. His book The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil Money and Power was awarded the Pulitzer Prize and became a number one New York Times best seller that has been translated into 20 languages. He is also the author of the bestseller The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World and co-author of Commanding Heights: The Battle for the World Economy. Both The Prize and Commanding Heights were made into award-winning television documentaries for for PBS and BBC, which Dr. Yergin co-produced, co-wrote and helped narrate.
Dr. Yergin is co-founder and chair of CERAWeek – presented by S&P Global – which is regarded as the world's preeminent energy conference. Dr. Yergin served on the U.S. Secretary of Energy Advisory Board under four U.S. Presidents. He is a director of the Council on Foreign Relations and a trustee of the Brookings Institution and serves on the Energy Advisory Council of the Dallas Federal Reserve.
Dr. Yergin is on the Advisory Boards of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Energy Initiative and the Columbia University Center on Global Energy Policy. He is a member of the Energy Governors of the World Economic forum, the India Petroleum Ministry's Think Tank, and the U.S. National Petroleum Council.
Dr. Yergin holds a BA from Yale University, an MA from Trinity College, Cambridge University, and a Ph.D. from Cambridge University, where he was a Marshall Scholar. He has received honorary degrees from Dartmouth College, the Colorado School of Mines, the University of Houston, and the University of Missouri.
About S&P Global
S&P Global (NYSE: SPGI) provides essential intelligence. We enable governments, businesses and individuals with the right data, expertise and connected technology so that they can make decisions with conviction. From helping our customers assess new investments to guiding them through ESG and energy transition across supply chains, we unlock new opportunities, solve challenges and accelerate progress for the world.
We are widely sought after by many of the world's leading organizations to provide credit ratings, benchmarks, analytics and workflow solutions in the global capital, commodity and automotive markets. With every one of our offerings, we help the world's leading organizations plan for tomorrow, today.
View original content:https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/sp-global-appoints-daniel-yergin-vice-chairman-301525324.html
SOURCE S&P Global
Book Title:
New Map : Energy, Climate, and the Clash of Nation
Publication Year:
2020
Author:
Daniel Yergin
Genre:
Technology & Engineering, Science, Business & Economics, Political Science
Topic:
Public Policy / Energy Policy, Geopolitics, Investments & Securities / Commodities / Energy, Power Resources / Fossil Fuels, Power Resources / Alternative & Renewable, Global Warming & Climate Change, Industries / Energy
A Wall Street Journal besteller and a USA Today Best Book of 2020 Named Energy Writer of the Year for The New Map by the American Energy Society Pulitzer Prize-winning author and global energy expert, Daniel Yergin offers a revelatory new account of how energy revolutions, climate battles, and geopolitics are mapping our future The world is being shaken by the collision of energy, climate change, and the clashing power of nations in a time of global crisis. Out of this tumult is emerging a new map of energy and geopolitics. The "shale revolution" in oil and gas has transformed the American economy, ending the "era of shortage" but introducing a turbulent new era. Almost overnight, the United States has become the world's number one energy powerhouse. Yet concern about energy's role in climate change is challenging the global economy and way of life, accelerating a second energy revolution in the search for a low-carbon future. All of this has been made starker and more urgent by the coronavirus pandemic and the economic dark age that it has wrought. World politics is being upended, as a new cold war develops between the United States and China, and the rivalry grows more dangerous with Russia, which is pivoting east toward Beijing. Vladimir Putin and China's Xi Jinping are converging both on energy and on challenging American leadership, as China projects its power and influence in all directions. The South China Sea, claimed by China and the world's most critical trade route, could become the arena where the United States and China directly collide. The map of the Middle East, which was laid down after World War I, is being challenged by jihadists, revolutionary Iran, ethnic and religious clashes, and restive populations. But the region has also been shocked by the two recent oil price collapses--and by the very question of oil's future in the rest of this century. A master storyteller and global energy expert, Daniel Yergin takes the reader on an utterly riveting and timely journey across the world's new map. He illuminates the great energy and geopolitical questions in an era of rising political turbulence and points to the profound challenges that lie ahead.
Friday, April 15, 2022
Samson François | Frédéric Chopin: Piano Concerto in E minor, Op 11
https://youtu.be/GoTd470VkHQ
Piano and orchestra are in perfect balance. The lightness of Samson's touch, the sense of freedom he conveys and the perfect balance between piano and orchestra result in an inspired and imaginative performance. Orchestre National de la RTF Stanisław Skrowaczewski, conductor Samson Francois, piano Frédéric Chopin Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor, Op. 11 00:00 | Allegro maestoso 19:41 | Romanze – Larghetto 28:25 | Rondo June 1962, Paris
Chapters
Allegro maestoso
0:00
Romanze – Larghetto
19:41
Rondo
28:25
Piano and orchestra are in perfect balance. The lightness of Samson's touch, the sense of freedom he conveys and the perfect balance between piano and orchestra result in an inspired and imaginative performance. Orchestre National de la RTF Stanisław Skrowaczewski, conductor Samson Francois, piano Frédéric Chopin Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor, Op. 11 00:00 | Allegro maestoso 19:41 | Romanze – Larghetto 28:25 | Rondo June 1962, Paris
Chapters
Allegro maestoso
0:00
Romanze – Larghetto
19:41
Rondo
28:25
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong - Ella and Louis (1956) Jazz
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong - Ella and Louis (1956) Jazz
https://youtu.be/MpKK0n0iyHU
Thursday, April 14, 2022
Monday, April 4, 2022
Plans
"The purpose of knowledge is action, not knowledge." - Aristotle
A plan is a list of actions arranged in whatever sequence is thought likely to achieve an objective.
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life, some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary.
The Rainy Day, Ballads and Other Poems - Longfellow
www.hwlongfellow.org › poems_poem
In every life, a little rain must fall. https://youtu.be/r_
Sunday, April 3, 2022
A.D.H.D. Can Strain Relationships. Here’s How Couples Cope.
A.D.H.D. Can Strain Relationships. Here’s How Couples Cope.
The symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can push couples to their breaking point, but there is hope for those willing to seek help.
By Christina Caron
Feb. 18, 2022
When Chris Lawson began dating Alexandra Salamis, the woman who would eventually become his partner, he was “Mr. Super Attentive Dude,” he said, the type of guy who enjoyed buying cards and flowers for no reason other than to show how much he loved her.
But after they moved in together in 2015, things changed.
He became more distracted and forgetful. Whether it was chores, planning social events or anything deadline-driven — like renewing a driver’s license — Ms. Salamis, 60, had to continually prod Mr. Lawson to get things done. Invariably, she just ended up doing them herself.
“I was responsible for nothing,” Mr. Lawson, 55, admitted.
Ms. Salamis, who is not one to mince words, described that period of their relationship as “like living with a child,” later adding, “I hated him, frankly.”
But when she brought up her frustrations, Mr. Lawson would become defensive. And as she continued to nag, she started to feel more like a parent than a partner, something they both resented.
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Then in 2019, at a friend’s suggestion, the pair read an article about how attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or A.D.H.D., can affect romantic relationships.
“We both kind of looked at each other and our jaws dropped,” Ms. Salamis said.
The couple, who live in Ottawa, had discovered something millions of others have realized, often after years of conflict: One of them — in this case, Mr. Lawson — most likely had A.D.H.D., a neurodevelopmental disorder often characterized by inattention, disorganization, hyperactivity and impulsivity.
When one or both members of a couple have A.D.H.D., the relationship typically has unique challenges, which are usually exacerbated when the disorder goes undiagnosed, experts say. Studies suggest that people with A.D.H.D. have higher levels of interpersonal problems than their peers do, and marriages that include adults with A.D.H.D. are more likely to be unsatisfying.
Forums like the one found on the popular website A.D.H.D. and Marriage are often filled with stories of frazzled, emotionally spent spouses stuck in unhealthy, yearslong patterns. But if a couple makes a strong effort to learn more about the disorder, manage its symptoms and find more effective ways to communicate, they can revitalize their relationship.
Understand the symptoms
People with A.D.H.D. may lack self-awareness, which can make it difficult to recognize how they are coming across to other people or how their behavior contributes to the problems they’re experiencing in their relationships, according to Russell A. Barkley, a psychologist and the author of “Taking Charge of Adult A.D.H.D.”
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Those who struggle with impulsivity might take unnecessary risks, or they might opt for immediate rewards, such as the pleasure of playing a video game, instead of focusing on mundane tasks that need to get done. People with A.D.H.D. are also often forgetful about what they’re supposed to be doing and tend to have big, emotional reactions that are stronger than what a situation might warrant — which can lead to explosive conflict.
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Contrary to the assumption that people with A.D.H.D. are always unfocused, many can focus intently on the things that interest them. But if they are especially attentive to a loved one during a relationship’s honeymoon phase and that intense interest eventually fades, a pattern can emerge where the non-A.D.H.D. partner feels unloved.
“If your partner is chronically distracted, that means they are also distracted from you,” said Melissa Orlov, a marriage consultant who leads seminars for couples who are struggling with relationship difficulties, in part because of A.D.H.D. “That becomes very confusing and then it angers the partner because they feel like they’re not really being paid attention to. You’re like, ‘What, don’t you love me anymore? This isn’t the way it used to be.’”
While this can be incredibly frustrating to the partner who does not have A.D.H.D., understanding these symptoms is a step toward embracing feelings of compassion and empathy over continual resentment.
“Our loved ones with A.D.H.D. cannot help behaving the way they do,” Dr. Barkley said. It is a biological disorder, he added, “not a lifestyle choice. It is not simply something they could change in their mind over time if they wanted to.”
Find coping strategies
Dr. Alicia Hart, 34, a primary care doctor, met her husband when she was 18. They both said “I love you” within three days and “were in a committed serious relationship from then on,” she said. “People thought we were nuts. I mean, we met at a frat party.”
The couple, who live in Portland, Ore., with their three kids, both have A.D.H.D.
Most of their conflict has revolved around scheduling mishaps, “threatening to record conversations to prove that they happened or me starting another overambitious project without thinking it through or thinking of the impact on him,” Dr. Hart said in an email. “I also hate being late and have developed one million strategies to avoid this, where he has literally no concept of time and cannot be on time to save his life.”
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By playing to their individual strengths, they’re able to keep the household running. He pays the bills and manages all the finances. She keeps track of the daily routine, setting alarms on their smart speaker to help him remember things like lunchtime. They use a shared online calendar and a wall calendar, too.
Robyn Aaron, a 36-year-old mother of two who was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. last year, said she and her husband now have a weekly meeting to stay organized, but they try to make it as fun as possible.
“We treat it like a date night — pour a glass of wine, maybe even light a candle,” said Ms. Aaron, who lives in Lisbon, Iowa. “He gives the check-in on finances; I give the skinny on the calendar.”
They also discuss their ongoing do-it-yourself projects, upcoming trips and any needs or wants.
“It’s become even more important to us since the pandemic began to connect in this way, and it’s super helpful for my coping strategies with A.D.H.D., too,” she added.
Show your partner you’re trying
In the book “A.D.H.D. After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship,” Ari Tuckman, the author, psychologist and sex therapist, surveyed more than 3,000 adults in couples where one partner had A.D.H.D. He found that the people who felt that their partners put in the most effort at either managing their own A.D.H.D. or supporting a partner with A.D.H.D. had almost twice as much sex as those who said their partners put in the least effort.
For some partners with A.D.H.D., it can be hard to accept the need for change and can also be difficult to be optimistic that new strategies will make a difference, especially if medications or past strategies haven’t worked.
But it’s worth continuing to educate yourself about the different options available to people with A.D.H.D., or perhaps even seeking out a different clinician from the one you’ve been seeing, he added.
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Dr. Tuckman also advised both partners to choose their battles.
“A.D.H.D. doesn’t invent new problems, it just exacerbates the universal ones,” he said. “It’s the stuff that every other couple argues about, just more often.”
It is within your right to insist that your partner get the kids to school on time, for example, and ideally you will find a way to make that happen. But, Dr. Tuckman cautioned, “you only get a small number of deal breakers.”
Consider a blend of treatments
Experts agree that medication alone is not the best way to manage A.D.H.D., but it can complement other strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy, coaching, mindfulness and exercise.
It wasn’t until he had been married for 16 years that Taylor Weeks, 36, finally realized that A.D.H.D. had been at the root of so much of the discord between him and his wife.
As far back as he can remember, he struggled with time blindness and forgetfulness, continually dropping the ball and then chastising himself for it.
“It has always been kind of a huge stressor for my wife,” said Mr. Weeks, who lives in Rio Rancho, N.M. “She’s constantly been frustrated with me.”
He is now seeing a psychologist, taking medication for the A.D.H.D. symptoms and practicing mindfulness to help ease his anxiety.
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He still struggles with forgetfulness, but his mind feels more clear.
“Before, I felt like I always had a bunch of thoughts going through my mind all the time,” he said. “But when it came down to try to articulate what I’m thinking, it was really difficult for me to get that out of my head and get my point across.”
His wife is noticing, he added, and told him he’s easier to communicate with and seems more engaged with their four children.
Mr. Lawson’s relationship also improved after he was eventually diagnosed with A.D.H.D. and prescribed a medication that improved his memory and ability to focus.
“It’s literally like a blanket has been removed from my head,” he said.
Just as important, they also attended couples therapy and learned how to better relate to each other and develop strategies to get things done at home.
Ms. Salamis, for her part, worked to break old patterns of behavior where she would continually check up on her partner or try to manage every aspect of their household. There was no need to do so anymore, because he was actually doing the things that needed to get done.
It has been a long road to get to this point, Mr. Lawson continued, but now, he said, “I can be the guy she fell in love with.”
Christina Caron is a reporter for the Well section, covering mental health and the intersection of culture and health care. Previously, she was a parenting reporter, general assignment reporter and copy editor at The Times. @cdcaron
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/18/well/mind/adhd-dating-relationships.html
Time Is Fleeting
Art is long, and time is fleeting, And our hearts, though stout and brave, Still, like muffled drums, are beating Funeral marches to the grave.
Henry Wadsworth Longfell
Henry Wadsworth Longfell
Remember that man lives only in the present, in this fleeting instant; all the rest of his life is either past and gone, or not yet revealed.
Marcus Aurelius
Reduce information overload
Reduce information overload
We have all been inundated by a relentless news cycle, a fire hose of information coming at us in the form of breaking news notifications, social media posts and email newsletters (among other sources) that can leave us feeling anxious, angry or even helpless.
“Now is the time to completely overhaul your news consumption,” said Cal Newport, a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the author of “Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.”
Choose just one or two reliable sources and read them at a specific time each day, he advised. For example, you can listen to a news roundup podcast while commuting to work or read a newspaper at breakfast, Dr. Newport said.
Dr. Newport, who is 39 and has managed to avoid social media platforms like Twitter, Instagram and TikTok for his entire adult life, also recommends taking a 30-day break from the technologies in your life that are optional.
In his book, he described what happened when 1,600 people gave it a try. Those who lasted the full 30 days were “cheerily gung-ho and positively aggressive about trying to fill in the time,” he said.
So instead of reflexively watching TikTok or scrolling through Instagram during your free time, think about what you would be doing if you weren’t on either of those platforms: Reading a novel? Taking a restorative walk in nature? Relaxing and listening to music?
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